Introvert Rant

The one thing that I am the most misunderstood for and have been throughout my whole life among many is my extreme introverted side….97%. If you top that off with my high sensitivity to just about everything and my intivitive nature…it leads to a lot of misunderstanding. One is that I am anti-social but this is far from true. If I didnt learn to develop and thick and highly gated skin it would be almost offensive. It is laughable at best. Anti-social is a commonly misused term that has been used for us rare types. I am not detached or unloving to those in need. I like to reach out when I can. I have never killed anyone or have gotten anywhere close to it. I am probably one of the most harmless people u will ever meet. For the most part…I have very limited and almost zero desire for revenge on those who hurt me. When I do feel that desire…it rarely lasts. I often get over it quickly. On the other hand, If u hurt my child or someone that consitter my family…u might find yourself shocked about what a “heartless bitch” that I can become to defend them. In fact, I tend to shock the hell out people when they see the rare side if me.  I feel the feelings and energies of others around me so much that it can be very overwhelming….especially around those that I care the most about. I do much better with people one and one or when I feel that I have a purpose. I act and look like my unique self because I only have this current life once. I am not perfect or magazine beautiful or a social butterfly and I never will be. But, I am intelligent, kind, compassionate and hard-working when I need to be. I am very empathic and very often highly intuned to others. I just dont always show it to everyone…just those I know well who I know care about what I have to say even when they disagree. Hi, My name is Jane. I am not anti-social. I am not cold. I am a highly sensitive introvert with flaws that match. 

Oops

I had a dream

A higher being is talking to me.

He reminded me of the bridge of poverty that burned down in a dream I had nearly 6 months ago.

“Remember you go back again.” I am told.

I asked him, “Why I am in a shed then?” “how come I struggle to do things that should be much more straight forward .”

His answer, “But do you really? You took your money for granted and you complained of not having enought. You were very humble but you forgot how lucky you were. You were too stuck in the mindset of being poor. It is when you change your mindset that you begin to remedy that situlation. You give away every bit of spare resources you had. And when you weren’t doing that, you spent every penny you had. But, you ended up back at square one because you sowed seeds of poverty in your subconscious mind. You acted accordingly and then you ended up back to square one. You kept telling yourself that you weren’t poor except by U.S. standards…which is nevertheless still sowing seeds of poverty. You reforced the wrong ideas. 

But I am working so hard! How do I stop this? I thought I was on the right path.

The voice says, “You are on the right path but you are being too hasty. You will get to exactly where you invision yourself being. But, you must work overtime, day and night to get there. You MUST slow down and take this time to take your time to learn perfection of your craft. You may a few too many mistakes but you need to keep going. Things will improve as you do. Learn to be more patient and meticulous and your time will come. It may take a lot of time but you are already over half way there”

Indescribable Deep Despair, Desperation, Disgust, Depression and Heartbreak. 

Adandoned is what you feel

Because you feel doomed, it is hard to reach out

Carnage causes unspeakable dread

Damage is so extreme
Everyday, you feel so alone

Feeling numb and shocked

Griping onto your fear

Hell seems to have hit your life hard

Isolution seems so profound

Justice seems hard to come by
Karma knows its own

Looking for some light

Moving on seems nearly impossible

Never give up

Optimism is the way to better days

Positivity is hard to find yet it’s there

Quiting doesn’t stop the world from turning

Realize that there is always people to help you

Start pushing yourself to live again

Try to weather this hell

Unite to those who encourage you

Visualize what helps you through

Walk forward though the dark

EXtreme days of happiness will come again from time to time

You are worth over your weight in gold

Zeolously for life again will come about again if you allow it so